I bet he comes in French.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
