I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
should my penis look like a turkey
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
