I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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