If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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