A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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