he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
