Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Randomize