That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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