This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
