Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
