You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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