what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
