Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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