just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
