She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
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