ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
