You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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