if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
