Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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