The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
it's like iHOP with fire
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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