So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
