I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
