he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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