the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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