please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Banned from zoo.
Again?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
