taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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