Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
two words...techno handjob
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
