eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I need to calm my uterus...
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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