She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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