it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize