1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
That's intense
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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