well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
