He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
