I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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