Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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