I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
