yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
