i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
