Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Is it penis luge time yet?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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