when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize