She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
