my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
When did angry sex become our thing?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
