i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
