the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
