totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
