i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
you had me at cake vodka
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
