my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
