i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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