Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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