I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
