I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
