don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
