it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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