My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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