just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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