We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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