Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
