I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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