I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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