I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
