Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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