I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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