She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
