paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
