some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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