I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
