im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
