so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
