Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize